At what point are you supposed to give up on your dreams?
No, seriously.
I have always wanted to do Les Miserables professionally. I think it's the easiest thing in the world for me to sing. I think I'm perfect for it.
A few years ago, we said adios to the professional performing world. It just wasn't for us. The environment, the people, the self-centeredness of it all- just didn't feel happy.
I am now the proud owner of 10-15-20 or so more pounds than I was when I got married. Ok- not very proud at all. And very self-conscious.
We have also talked about Alex's desire to start a family. A lot. I know it's right. Lots of things have happened to know it's right.
I'm still terrified of the thought, though.
The possibility of an opportunity of taking part in the Les Mis movie has been haunting me all night. 3 years ago, I would have jumped on it- I looked and sounded the part.
Now I just sound the part.
And people are very specific these days about what passes for 'young and pretty.' Especially in movies.
Well, I was given the voice I was given for a reason. I really want to use it. I want to sing. All the time. But I also know that we shouldn't wait much longer to have kids.
I am so conflicted, I don't know what to do. Hate the world- love the work- give it all up...
I have been wrestling with this so much since I moved to California. I'm scared to put myself out there, but I'm also scared of not putting myself out there, and letting fear rule my life.
Or do I just find new dreams, and shove the old ones down where I'll never find them again? Or put them on hold until my kids are grown and gone?
I really, really, really don't know what to do.
Grumpy gills.
5 comments:
I like it when you blog. Even if they are grumpy gills posts. Sometimes those are the best kind!
Good thing we know someone with a better view of the world than ourselves, yes? It's nice to know that no matter what, as long as your heart is in the right place, things will work out the way they're meant to :)
I think...you should always go with what you feel from the spirit. You don't need me to tell you that - you always do that anyway. But a little additional personal side-note is...I think you should try out! EVEN IF you "know" you're not going to get it or you think you might not or whatever else. No regrets. Then you never have to look back and wonder. Even if nothing comes of it - I think you should always follow your dreams. I think Heavenly Father has been trying to teach me lately not to drag my feet so much in that area....so I'm just saying: maybe when you have that new beautiful family someday, your little ones can fall asleep at night to your beautiful voice, and maybe even the story of when their mom tried out anyway. :)
I'm grateful you are so real! All I can say is that the joy promised from having children is REAL! It's incredible, and fulfilling (though extremely difficult at times). Sometimes dreams change, and when you have children, you may realize being a MOTHER was one of your true dreams and was the fulfillment you were seeking. :) Anyways, I know you and you know how to get answers and how to act in faith. The timing for you and Alex is for you and Alex to decide, and not for us. :) You'll know what to do. And you don't have to give up on singing, but perhaps your other talents that God has given you are going to have a chance to be in the spotlight for awhile. :)
If it's any comfort my friend, you are not the only one who ponders which direction one should take one's life! Good luck deciding!
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