At what point are you supposed to give up on your dreams?
No, seriously.
I have always wanted to do Les Miserables professionally. I think it's the easiest thing in the world for me to sing. I think I'm perfect for it.
A few years ago, we said adios to the professional performing world. It just wasn't for us. The environment, the people, the self-centeredness of it all- just didn't feel happy.
I am now the proud owner of 10-15-20 or so more pounds than I was when I got married. Ok- not very proud at all. And very self-conscious.
We have also talked about Alex's desire to start a family. A lot. I know it's right. Lots of things have happened to know it's right.
I'm still terrified of the thought, though.
The possibility of an opportunity of taking part in the Les Mis movie has been haunting me all night. 3 years ago, I would have jumped on it- I looked and sounded the part.
Now I just sound the part.
And people are very specific these days about what passes for 'young and pretty.' Especially in movies.
Well, I was given the voice I was given for a reason. I really want to use it. I want to sing. All the time. But I also know that we shouldn't wait much longer to have kids.
I am so conflicted, I don't know what to do. Hate the world- love the work- give it all up...
I have been wrestling with this so much since I moved to California. I'm scared to put myself out there, but I'm also scared of not putting myself out there, and letting fear rule my life.
Or do I just find new dreams, and shove the old ones down where I'll never find them again? Or put them on hold until my kids are grown and gone?
I really, really, really don't know what to do.
Grumpy gills.
