So yesterday morning I woke up about 8:30 to another cute text from this amazing guy I'm not supposed to like yet. Complicated. Not really. In the situation, it's perfect. However, I fall quickly back to sleep because I was up texting said person for a long time last night.
10:00 rolls around and there is someone at the door. I'm vaguely hearing this because I'm so tired! Well, my dad gets the door and I hear a "Wow! I can't believe it!" from him. Then he calls my mom down. She sees who it is, and says, "Oh! I'll get dressed and come down!" I am still dozing in my bed. Mom runs in. "Melinda! Get up! It's Bryan!"
Bryan? My Bryan who's not mine anymore? The one I haven't talked to in about four months? Really? He's engaged. I know it.
So I get up and throw a shirt on and brush my teeth and march downstairs in a drowsy state. There he is, standing in my kitchen, facing my mother. There it is, in my mother's hand. His wedding announcement. How did I know?! Wait. That's not all. After congratulating him, he says, "Yeah, it's tomorrow." In my sleepy haze I thought I heard him say TOMORROW. I did. Apparently, when he found out we'd not recieved an announcement, he brought one by.
He's been engaged for three months. So, for the last three or four months, as I've been tortured in my soul over him, and whether or not he's the one for me, he is engaged! In the back of my mind, I really always thought we would end up together. I would go through all my lousy boyfriends and then it would be him. There was always Bryan. Yet, just a few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom and determined that, although I will always have that place in my heart for Bryan, I'm not in love with him anymore, even the memory of how we used to be. It's hard to imagine that he is married right now. But I am so happy for him! The things that were majorly holding me back still hold, and if they are ok with his wife, then that is amazing!
The Lord's timing is incredible. I was able to get over Bryan on my own, because it wasn't right, and not because he was engaged and I had to. Someone new has appeared and it has the potential to be amazing. We'll have to see what happens, but I have really truly met a great, smart, funny, charming, faithful, return missionary, chivlarous guy who for some reason thinks that I'm great, too! All I know is that I am the happiest, truly happiest, that I've been in such a long time. I am so excited to go to Nauvoo and have the incredible opportunities it brings!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Family History
While doing my family history homework which seems so pointless to me, I was watching tv. Suddenly, there was a Celtic dance number on. I love it. Celtic music takes me somewhere that other music can't- like back to my roots. My dad and I can listen to it and just cry because the spirit of the music is so strong. I feel my heritage closer and closer to me, enriching me.
My mom hates it. She can take about a minute of it before she makes me change it. I can tell my mother's side is not Irish. So far, only one Irish person has been found on my dad's side. But I know there are more! Somehow, I can't quite explain it, I know that the reason why I'm in the family history major is to find them. Yes, I picked my major at random because I needed a new major and it was 45 credits. But I feel like I was led to it. Doing Nauvoo and becoming aware of our ancestors makes me want to find them even more.
We are who our ancestors were. I really believe that. That Celtic spirit is in me and my dad, but not my mom. I believe that as we get to know where we came from, we'll understand ourselves much more. There can be no future without the past!
My mom hates it. She can take about a minute of it before she makes me change it. I can tell my mother's side is not Irish. So far, only one Irish person has been found on my dad's side. But I know there are more! Somehow, I can't quite explain it, I know that the reason why I'm in the family history major is to find them. Yes, I picked my major at random because I needed a new major and it was 45 credits. But I feel like I was led to it. Doing Nauvoo and becoming aware of our ancestors makes me want to find them even more.
We are who our ancestors were. I really believe that. That Celtic spirit is in me and my dad, but not my mom. I believe that as we get to know where we came from, we'll understand ourselves much more. There can be no future without the past!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Highlands of Heaven
It's Sunday, and we finished our rehearsals for Nauvoo on Friday with a bang!! I've had some incredible stuff happen this week.
One. My cousin, Emily, had never seen the Pageant because she was on her mission both years. And, of course, she was going to be out of town for Friday, so she came on Wednesday to our first dress rehearsal. It was a great run-through, but near the end, one of our actors had to take her son home. Well, she has some critical lines at the end, and this was Emy's first time hearing them! So after I finished my line, and turned to see that she wasn't there, I walked over and started singing and praying that I could remember these lines I had never said. In my broken Scottish accent, I managed to get through it. Now, I didn't want anyone to commend me or say how great it was. It was two lines, after all, and Emy needed to hear them. But I made a comment afterward and David Warner, our director, pointed the action out and everyone started clapping. It was so wierd. I just saw a need and filled it! Oh well. It was fun to have a husband for a 45 second scene.
Two. We can do hard things. We can build things we've never built before to go places we've never gone before. Doing the Sunday Sociable this week was so marvelously refreshing. Completely different from last year, or anything I've seen, and it is so much fun. We performed it at 3:00 on Friday. Music really transcends time and place and situation and brings you completely to the present. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but in my head it does. When you are singing, with or without a partner, that song is what is present and is what matters. Randy and his family came and loved it. Preston, too. It was so fun to be able to use your talents to bring people to Christ. Totally amazing.
Three. I find that when I don't know how to handle something, I shut down. I had a few experiences this week that I've never had to deal with before. When they arose, I completely shut down. When your job in the Pageant is to be completely open, shutting down is detrimental. Opening back up was the hardest thing. I'm working on it.
Four. We met Elder Perry in the hallway. It was awesome. I seriously have the best job in the world. I was experiencing a 'shut down' moment, and he shook my hand and all traces of pain or sadness in my heart and spirit disappeared. It was incredible, and such a blessing!
Five. I had the best district ever! I am learning to much, and they helped me tremendously! I'm not a great leader or speaker, but I'm definately learning. In the beginning stages of rehearsal last week, I taught the women the opening dance. Yes. I taught a dance. It was awesome! I had so much fun doing it. A few days later, the stage manager asked if I would teach the children what they do in the parade. Ok- me, teaching kids. Check. Not experienced in this field at all. I didn't even know what they were supposed to do. But there I was, teaching the kids as I was making it up. One of the sisters commented on how great I was with them! Me? Great with kids? Who would have thought? I figure I'm getting to that age where I should know what to do with them, so I'm getting experiences with them by the truckload. I'm growing so much this year!
One. My cousin, Emily, had never seen the Pageant because she was on her mission both years. And, of course, she was going to be out of town for Friday, so she came on Wednesday to our first dress rehearsal. It was a great run-through, but near the end, one of our actors had to take her son home. Well, she has some critical lines at the end, and this was Emy's first time hearing them! So after I finished my line, and turned to see that she wasn't there, I walked over and started singing and praying that I could remember these lines I had never said. In my broken Scottish accent, I managed to get through it. Now, I didn't want anyone to commend me or say how great it was. It was two lines, after all, and Emy needed to hear them. But I made a comment afterward and David Warner, our director, pointed the action out and everyone started clapping. It was so wierd. I just saw a need and filled it! Oh well. It was fun to have a husband for a 45 second scene.
Two. We can do hard things. We can build things we've never built before to go places we've never gone before. Doing the Sunday Sociable this week was so marvelously refreshing. Completely different from last year, or anything I've seen, and it is so much fun. We performed it at 3:00 on Friday. Music really transcends time and place and situation and brings you completely to the present. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but in my head it does. When you are singing, with or without a partner, that song is what is present and is what matters. Randy and his family came and loved it. Preston, too. It was so fun to be able to use your talents to bring people to Christ. Totally amazing.
Three. I find that when I don't know how to handle something, I shut down. I had a few experiences this week that I've never had to deal with before. When they arose, I completely shut down. When your job in the Pageant is to be completely open, shutting down is detrimental. Opening back up was the hardest thing. I'm working on it.
Four. We met Elder Perry in the hallway. It was awesome. I seriously have the best job in the world. I was experiencing a 'shut down' moment, and he shook my hand and all traces of pain or sadness in my heart and spirit disappeared. It was incredible, and such a blessing!
Five. I had the best district ever! I am learning to much, and they helped me tremendously! I'm not a great leader or speaker, but I'm definately learning. In the beginning stages of rehearsal last week, I taught the women the opening dance. Yes. I taught a dance. It was awesome! I had so much fun doing it. A few days later, the stage manager asked if I would teach the children what they do in the parade. Ok- me, teaching kids. Check. Not experienced in this field at all. I didn't even know what they were supposed to do. But there I was, teaching the kids as I was making it up. One of the sisters commented on how great I was with them! Me? Great with kids? Who would have thought? I figure I'm getting to that age where I should know what to do with them, so I'm getting experiences with them by the truckload. I'm growing so much this year!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
City Beautiful
I am learning so much this year. I know that the Lord is putting things and people in my path to help me grow. Not only is the 'acting style' different, the whole approach is, too. We aren't acting, really. We are sharing our testimonies up on stage. We aren't 'putting on' or 'finding' a character, we are truly being ourselves. The trick is that we have to know ourselves so much that we can open up and not be self-concious or afraid of who we are. I am a daughter of God, and I know that He loves me. I know that I have been sent for times like this. I know that I have been put in a situation where I can learn and grow, and help others see the truth of the gospel. I have a deep responsibility toward the people who I've represented on stages and cameras. I have to watch myself all the time to make sure that what I'm doing and especially how I'm acting reflects the light and truth that I've been given. I have been allowed the opportunity to share the gospel- especially in the way that I act. If, for one second, I was not living up to the standards that I have set, it would be devastating.
The other day, my friend, Paul, and I went to lunch. Afterward, we went to Macey's to get some ice cream. Lo and behold, there was a family that had done Nauvoo and Savior of the World getting ice cream, too. Now, these kids know me. To them, I am Mary. Or Eliza R. Snow. I am a person of substance and deep faith, and do good to everyone. If I happened to turn the corner laughing loudly or being obnoxious, even for a moment, their perception of not only me, but of their entire Nauvoo/Savior experience would be altered. Therefore, I feel like it is my job to always live up to the Mary/Eliza persona. It is not easy by any means, but I believe that it is neccesary.
I've been presented with somewhat of a diffifult situation. Without going into specifics, something other than the work has occupied my attention during rehearsals. It is hard not to think about my dreams and my future, but right now my responsibility is toward the Pageant and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. It is hard to know where to draw the line, but I am trying to let the Spirit guide me.
I want to be good. I want to be good so much! I am trying to do the right thing, and focus on today in stead of the near future. "One step at a time, one hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go?" A piece of my dreams came true yesterday, and it was a little bit amazing. But still, caution. "I had to give away all I had to get back everything I want."
Yesterday in rehearsal, the temple panels went up for the first time this year. I could not have known the Spirit that flooded over me when I turned to see it. I am so blessed to be able do do this work, to tell the story of Nauvoo, and to be the conduit for the Spirit that brings people to Christ. It's there. "When you're here, we're here." We are being blessed constantly for the sacrifices we are making. The veil was very thin when looking at our beautiful temple.
I pray that I will make a difference somehow. That the Lord can use me in whatever way He sees fit. It will be an amazing summer, I can tell already. Full of opportunities for ETRs, as my friend, Annie, calls "enhancing the relationship" rather than DTRs- "defining the relationship." Oh yes. Bring it on.
The other day, my friend, Paul, and I went to lunch. Afterward, we went to Macey's to get some ice cream. Lo and behold, there was a family that had done Nauvoo and Savior of the World getting ice cream, too. Now, these kids know me. To them, I am Mary. Or Eliza R. Snow. I am a person of substance and deep faith, and do good to everyone. If I happened to turn the corner laughing loudly or being obnoxious, even for a moment, their perception of not only me, but of their entire Nauvoo/Savior experience would be altered. Therefore, I feel like it is my job to always live up to the Mary/Eliza persona. It is not easy by any means, but I believe that it is neccesary.
I've been presented with somewhat of a diffifult situation. Without going into specifics, something other than the work has occupied my attention during rehearsals. It is hard not to think about my dreams and my future, but right now my responsibility is toward the Pageant and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. It is hard to know where to draw the line, but I am trying to let the Spirit guide me.
I want to be good. I want to be good so much! I am trying to do the right thing, and focus on today in stead of the near future. "One step at a time, one hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go?" A piece of my dreams came true yesterday, and it was a little bit amazing. But still, caution. "I had to give away all I had to get back everything I want."
Yesterday in rehearsal, the temple panels went up for the first time this year. I could not have known the Spirit that flooded over me when I turned to see it. I am so blessed to be able do do this work, to tell the story of Nauvoo, and to be the conduit for the Spirit that brings people to Christ. It's there. "When you're here, we're here." We are being blessed constantly for the sacrifices we are making. The veil was very thin when looking at our beautiful temple.
I pray that I will make a difference somehow. That the Lord can use me in whatever way He sees fit. It will be an amazing summer, I can tell already. Full of opportunities for ETRs, as my friend, Annie, calls "enhancing the relationship" rather than DTRs- "defining the relationship." Oh yes. Bring it on.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Praise to the Man
Nauvoo rehearsals are going so well. Better than I could have asked for! My district is so willing and helpful. Everyone participating is so wonderful! My friend, Cathy, is in it, too, as a dancer!
The feeling of Nauvoo is more than a show. The Spirit that is present among us truly makes me feel that Zion is possible- that the Law of Consecration really is obtainable. It's making me a better person all around, and what makes life better makes our offerings better, too. I'm learning so much!
Random: Michelle and I saw Elder Perry today. As of now, I'm singing 4 songs in the Sociable. I have the best job in the world!!
The feeling of Nauvoo is more than a show. The Spirit that is present among us truly makes me feel that Zion is possible- that the Law of Consecration really is obtainable. It's making me a better person all around, and what makes life better makes our offerings better, too. I'm learning so much!
Random: Michelle and I saw Elder Perry today. As of now, I'm singing 4 songs in the Sociable. I have the best job in the world!!
Monday, June 4, 2007
It's almost like being in...
What a day this has been! What a rare mood I'm in!
Yes. Today has been the best day!!!
I got some sleep last night so today I was in an insane mood!!!! I was jumping around the stage and laughing and everything was amazing. BIG contrast to yesterday, when I could barely walk because my back was in so much pain. I strained it working out, so I haven't been able to do anything. And the raked stage was killer. But Soni brought me some "Essence Calming Creme" and she put it on my back and it instantly relaxed my back! It was amazing! And of course, that person I won't mention talked to me a lot. Wow.
So we got out of rehearsal in Salt Lake early and all came down to my house for an FHE dinner thing, and to rehearse vignettes and music. It was so much fun to have everyone here! I always have anxiety over large amounts of people in my home, but it was sooo much fun. And the Allen children came, too. I love them! I feel like a big sister or something. Between the Karrs and the Allens, I am being molded into someone children may actually like!! And they are making me like to be around them! Seriously, this is big. Wow. I need to get planning for my district meeting tomorrow. I am so excited for this year! I've got a great district right now. They are teaching me a lot! I'm excited to get my sister's family in my district out in Nauvoo. This year is definately going to be amazing, and I can already tell that I am going to grow so much. I'm looking over 'Preach My Gospel' and I am so humbled that I am going to teach out of it. I also have to prepare a Sunday School lesson for next week, but I can't think about it! This is a big week. As of now, I'm singing 'Astonishing' and 'Wheels of a Dream' with Alex DeBirk and 'Some Things are Meant to Be' with my sister. I'm fine with all but Astonishing, of course. It's an odd feeling to be scared of singing. It's not a familiar one! Oh well, just more growing.
Well, Ive now typed away all my extra sleeping time. I'm so excited for tomorrow!!
Yes. Today has been the best day!!!
I got some sleep last night so today I was in an insane mood!!!! I was jumping around the stage and laughing and everything was amazing. BIG contrast to yesterday, when I could barely walk because my back was in so much pain. I strained it working out, so I haven't been able to do anything. And the raked stage was killer. But Soni brought me some "Essence Calming Creme" and she put it on my back and it instantly relaxed my back! It was amazing! And of course, that person I won't mention talked to me a lot. Wow.
So we got out of rehearsal in Salt Lake early and all came down to my house for an FHE dinner thing, and to rehearse vignettes and music. It was so much fun to have everyone here! I always have anxiety over large amounts of people in my home, but it was sooo much fun. And the Allen children came, too. I love them! I feel like a big sister or something. Between the Karrs and the Allens, I am being molded into someone children may actually like!! And they are making me like to be around them! Seriously, this is big. Wow. I need to get planning for my district meeting tomorrow. I am so excited for this year! I've got a great district right now. They are teaching me a lot! I'm excited to get my sister's family in my district out in Nauvoo. This year is definately going to be amazing, and I can already tell that I am going to grow so much. I'm looking over 'Preach My Gospel' and I am so humbled that I am going to teach out of it. I also have to prepare a Sunday School lesson for next week, but I can't think about it! This is a big week. As of now, I'm singing 'Astonishing' and 'Wheels of a Dream' with Alex DeBirk and 'Some Things are Meant to Be' with my sister. I'm fine with all but Astonishing, of course. It's an odd feeling to be scared of singing. It's not a familiar one! Oh well, just more growing.
Well, Ive now typed away all my extra sleeping time. I'm so excited for tomorrow!!
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