The Life and Times of Melinda

"Unnecessary"

2012-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

I was introduced to an amazing blog this week. It's called The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks and Alex and I have spent much time this week being thoroughly entertained by it.

I hope you will love it as much as I do...and try not to think about how "English" skills no emportence ANYMORE.

Seriously.

Alex's friend, Jeff Harris, is even featured in a post!

Enjoy!

Everything was beautiful at the ballet

2012-01-31T12:49:00.000-08:00

Alex and I are the proud owners of season tickets to the San Fransisco Ballet.

Let me tell you... we LOVE it. Like... a lot.

The Nutcracker was beautiful, so we ended up getting tickets for the three story ballets this season, and went to our first last Saturday.

It was called 'Onegin' and we were mesmerized- by the costumes, the scenic design, the choreography, the passion in the dancing... everything. I wish there were more pictures online of the set and costumes. If you skip to :40 in the video, you can get an idea of the scale of the set. I can't say enough about it!

2011 Catch-up

2012-01-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

Here is a (brief...or not) summary of our 2011. It was quite a year, and I did a rotten job of documenting it... but here we go!

FEBRUARY

Valentine's Day... the perfect note on the sweetest bouquet. I'm quite aware of how blessed I am.

I sang here for President's Day.

We went to some really cool ice castles in Midway.

MARCH

Went to the Chabot Space Center with Angie and Jim during our trip to Cali to visit Stanford/Berkeley.

Alex and Jim (they have the same birthday!)

Melinda and Angie!

Angie, trapped on the moon. Don't you hate it when that happens?

One of my favorite pictures of Alex...ever.

We loved Stanford's campus- but...

Alex chose Berkeley!

Alex also attended the Holi festival (Festival of Colors) in Spanish Fork.

APRIL

After 8 long years... we graduated!!

Parents were proud.

(It was really early...I'm not crying.) See that GORGEOUS lei? My dad performed some miracles, and, thanks to some lovely Costco employees, got it for me just in time for:

Me to pray in convocation. I think I said we were really excited to be done two or three times.

We were surprised with a serious graduation present: a brand new car!!!

Went to La Caille to celebrate! We want to live here.

Went to NYC as the stage manager for New York Showcase with the MDT seniors. Heather joined us.
(Best scones EVER. Worth the price of the plane ticket.)

May

Alex went hiking in southern Utah with his friends Brenton, Jeff and Stu.
I'm pretty sure I was still in New York. Or sleeping.

June

Cross-country drive #1. Found this little house in Denver and fell in love. It is 4 stories.

Kudos to the person who named this place. Very assertive.

Independence, MO Visitor's Center.

Adam-ondi-Ahman

The gorgeous B&B we stayed in! The Inn on Crescent Lake in Missouri.

It's a real lake. Alex looks great in that life vest!

JULY

Spent our summer in Nauvoo. (Thanks to Logan Bradford for the picture!)

Ate at the Ivy, of course.

AUGUST

Went to Boston and Palmyra with the family.

President Christianson (mission and fmr. stake pres.) gave us a tour of the Sacred Grove.

Alvin's tree

They learned a lot at the Grandon printing press

BYU blue at the Peter Whitmer home where the Church was organized.

The Mayflower II

Went to see Natural Bridge State Park in Massachusetts

It was really cool. We had a personal tour!

The Berkshires. It was so beautiful!

The top of Mt. Greylock

Went to Saratoga National Park

Mom and I went to "America's Stonehenge" which was actually pretty cool.

Boston brownstones. I loved Boston.

Boston Public Garden. Gorgeous.

At the Public Garden

A carriage ride around Boston, courtesy of Dad

We even got a free tour of Edith Wharton's home.

It is huge.

Tanglewood! The highlight of the trip. Look at that property!!

Seeing John Williams conduct the Boston Pops!

Mom and Dad loved Film Night, too!

September

We moved here! This is our little apartment in northern California.

Annabelle was reunited with her dad after the long car ride with mom.

Went to my first baseball game. (Go Giants!)

October

Angie and I got creative! We put up these lovely curtains...

And got some great lamps from IKEA...

And we built this beauty all by ourselves.

Here is Angie, hard at work!

We celebrated Food Day at Berkeley with Angie.

Annabelle made her movie debut!

She was a little wiggle worm, but very cute.

November

We had our very own 'baking day.' We are awesome pepperkakor makers!

Went to the Santa Cruz boardwalk!

It was a super fun day with Jim, Angie, Jon, and Brittany!

Emily got married! A good round of Perfect Wedding and Martinelli's was needed!

I had a concert in the Tabernacle. (That's me and George Dyer.)

December

We celebrated Mikolas with the Hoffmans! Amazing, amazing meal.

Went to the San Fransico Ballet with Angie and Jim to see my first professional ballet...

The Nutcracker! It was amazing!

Lots to do in San Francisco!

Belly got a Christmas haircut.

Came home to Utah for Christmas. Glorious break!

We also celebrated our 4th Anniversary! (This pic isn't from that night... I just liked it.)

Projects

2012-01-07T15:30:00.000-08:00

So this one time, I decided to make homemade gifts for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I knew how to do a basic crochet stitch, but thanks to the magic of the internet, (ravelry.com and youtube, among others) I've become a crochet fiend. Here are some samples!

Dreams

2011-12-01T12:38:00.001-08:00

At what point are you supposed to give up on your dreams?

No, seriously.

I have always wanted to do Les Miserables professionally. I think it's the easiest thing in the world for me to sing. I think I'm perfect for it.

A few years ago, we said adios to the professional performing world. It just wasn't for us. The environment, the people, the self-centeredness of it all- just didn't feel happy.

I am now the proud owner of 10-15-20 or so more pounds than I was when I got married. Ok- not very proud at all. And very self-conscious.

We have also talked about Alex's desire to start a family. A lot. I know it's right. Lots of things have happened to know it's right.

I'm still terrified of the thought, though.

The possibility of an opportunity of taking part in the Les Mis movie has been haunting me all night. 3 years ago, I would have jumped on it- I looked and sounded the part.

Now I just sound the part.

And people are very specific these days about what passes for 'young and pretty.' Especially in movies.

Well, I was given the voice I was given for a reason. I really want to use it. I want to sing. All the time. But I also know that we shouldn't wait much longer to have kids.

I am so conflicted, I don't know what to do. Hate the world- love the work- give it all up...

I have been wrestling with this so much since I moved to California. I'm scared to put myself out there, but I'm also scared of not putting myself out there, and letting fear rule my life.

Or do I just find new dreams, and shove the old ones down where I'll never find them again? Or put them on hold until my kids are grown and gone?

I really, really, really don't know what to do.

Grumpy gills.

It's been a while...

2011-10-19T11:00:00.001-07:00

In my new California life, I want to be better at doing the things I want to do.

Sounds simple enough, but I want to do a LOT of things.

One of those is keeping up this blog, if only so our friends and family won't forget us!

So my first offering to you is this speech.

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=441&tid=7

You can view an html, pdf, or download an mp3 of it for FREE. (I love the BYU speeches website!)

The talk, by C. Terry Warner (David's father) is entitled "Honest, Simple, Solid, True."

Download it. Read it. Learn from it.

As a performer, I identify with it, and as a Christian, my soul sang when I heard it.

I know I can be better. A LOT better. I am working on it.

It is applicable in every part of our lives. I wish everyone in Savior of the World could listen to it.

Graduation

2011-04-06T21:33:00.001-07:00

In about 2 weeks, I will be able to catch up on my life, because I will be graduating. Finally. Stay tuned.

BSM

2010-09-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

What a weekend!! Brian Stokes Mitchell (who goes by "Stokes" btw) came to BYU to do a concert. Well, he also did a master class that was basically 2 1/2 straight hours of genius.
Some of my favorite thoughts were:

Be a connoisseur of life.

Learn to be happy right now. If you wait to be happy until you have a Tony, you'll never be happy, because even if you do get one, the next day you still have to work!

Live artfully. You can be a great artist in whatever you do, always.

It's about the quest, not the goal.

After the class, everyone was going up to him and talking, taking pictures, etc. I figured he would be tired and appreciate me not going up and talking to him. (It doesn't really make sense...but it does to me.) Well, my mom dragged me over to him and I met him. He really is one of the most gracious, open people that I've ever been around. Afterward, I got brave, and as he was leaving, I asked him to sign my paper. I also told him how excited I was for his concert the next day, and that I was going for my birthday. He asked when it was, and wished me a happy birthday! Isn't that amazing?

His concert was delicious. I loved every minute of it, and you could tell that he did, too. When he closed with "Wheels of a Dream," I wanted to jump up and sing it with him. I will have to post our family picture when I can upload it. Afterward, we got to spend time with some of our favorite friends, the Southerlands. It was a dream night.

My little paper says,

"To Melinda

Dream!

Brian Stokes Mitchell"

It's perfect.

It's time

2010-09-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

Alex told me a terrifying thought the other day when school started. When we started BYU in 2003, the incoming freshman class was in 6th grade. Yes. Elementary school. And I am still here... yes. It's time to graduate. I can't wait. These kids look way too young to be at university.

A little thing

2010-08-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of school. 8 am class rolls around and I'm pretty out of it. I'm just happy I'm there on time. After all of the student designers introduce themselves (I'm the last one) and what show they are working on, a girl next to me turns and says, "Did you do sound for Kristy Kadish's mask club?" And, quite taken aback that anyone would know I did that, especially with my "new" last name (I just changed it at school after 2 1/2 years of marriage...), not to mention that it was a year ago, I said, "Yes!" And she said, "Oh! It was really good!" I thanked her, then the teacher started talking.

I worked REALLY hard on that mask club. I spent hours on end listening to music, cutting music, editing tracks, meeting with the director and cast to figure out what worked best- poor Alex listened to a whole lot of violin music while I was on it. I was extremely proud of the work that I had done. I got a big thank you, multiple times, from the director, a pretty perfect grade on it, and a few compliments from my friends and family that came to see it. But... when you work as hard as I worked on anything, there is a big part of you that wants recognition, right? Or is that just me? I wanted people to gush over how brilliant and inspired the sound design was. Well, that didn't really happen to the extent that I wanted it to. However, a year later, a girl remembering my name enough to tell me that she liked my work was so amazing! It lifted my spirits and got me in school mode just in time to dig deep into my design for Stage Door.

Thank you, random other student designer, thank you!!

Wisdom from Dumbledore

2010-08-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

While watching Harry Potter tonight with my dad, I thought about how perfectly this dang movie is cast! Everyone is perfect. I LOVE the first Harry Potter. It's so magical and new, I just can't get enough of it. And I love John Williams. Could anyone have made a more perfect score for such a magical movie? I don't think so. The themes are perfection. Also, I am reminded of the wisdom of Albus Dumbledore. The books have many more tidbits, of course, but here are some that I love.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live."

I think we sometimes get so caught up in the future, or dwelling on the past that we forget right now. We forget to be here, right now, wherever we are. We forget to be grateful for all that we have right now. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband. He is more wonderful than anything I could have dreamed up for myself. I am grateful for my family, who constantly support us, and never make us feel stupid when we have to borrow money and are always willing to help us out with errands, puppy sitting, or whatever may come up. My parents are extremely generous to us in every way. And I'm grateful for my little puppy, who brings me such peace and happiness every day with just a wag of her tail, or when she jumps on my lap and curls up, letting me know that she loves me. I'm grateful for old friends and new, who constantly help me to be brave and open and teach me how to be better.

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

I've been learning lately that it is extremely important to stand up for what you know is right. I need to be a good example to myself and never be afraid to stand up when there is a problem. It's kind of hard to be the best we can be, and follow everything that the prophets say, but it is important. The Church is true. It's easy to get caught up in the small things, or very large problems and obstacles. But it's true. It's worth it. It's easy to become lax, to fall away little by little. Don't let it happen. We need to be humble enough to see the faults in ourselves without getting offended or prideful. It's hard to change. But it's even harder to be unhappy day after day. Do what is right- God will protect you.

Different tastes

2010-08-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

I was in Stained Glass today and one of my classmates started telling us about how she was watching Lord of the Rings for the first time with her husband. We were all amazed that she hadn't seen it before, and I remarked at the number of extremely good-looking men in the films. I said my favorite was Faramir.

Quite good looking. But everyone questioned my decision. Granted, I swoon when Orlando comes on the screen, and I want to make out with Aragorn pretty much through the entire trilogy. (However, I don't really find Viggo that attractive outside of LOTR. That long hair works for him.) Whenever Faramir appears, however, I am just happy! It's odd, but he is my choice.

LOST. Again, a plethora of men that are ruggedly handsome. My favorite? After having great love for Jack and Sawyer, (and it is very possible that Jin is the most handsome Asian ever) I fell in love with Desmond.

It's possibly his amazingly attractive accent that Alex just happens to do extremely well. Perhaps it is his devotion to Penny. Whenever he was in an episode, I was quite happy with LOST (after thoroughly establishing that he wasn't creepy). "Brotha," he is good looking!

And Gilmore Girls. I loved Dean more than Jess, until the "incident," of course. But when it came to Logan, I hated him. I was in love with Marty, and I couldn't understand why Rory wasn't, too.

It doesn't hurt that he played Fabrizio in Light in the Piazza, either. So dang dreamy.

Oddly, they all look like Alex in a way. It would seem that I think big noses are attractive, as my husband seems to think his nose is rather large. I also think that Shawn from Psych is totally cute, but my mom says he has a big nose. Suits me just fine!

Why?

2010-07-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

How is it that I leave the house with my hair looking decently, and after class two hours later, I look like a homeless ragamuffin? What in the world happens while I sit in class trying to keep myself awake?
And why do we have to be so dependent on money? I need to find a way to win some serious cash, fast. It seems like the only problems that we have are money problems. Can't I just have a day of no money-worrying bliss?
Someday. And I seriously need help with my hair.

The Best Day

2010-07-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

was yesterday!! Now, I woke up feeling a little sick, and after staying home all day yesterday from feeling the same way, I wasn't too happy with my life. I also haven't gotten a thing done since doing the dishes and laundry at the beginning of the week. I've been feeling very useless, especially because we're scraping the I trudged into the office and looked at my email. What did I see? A job offer!!!! A real, live job- and it just happened to be one that I've wanted for a long time: Tim Threlfall's assistant. Well, I was so excited that I suddenly felt fine and had a lot of energy. I didn't feel useless anymore, and started cleaning my house. Long overdue! Then I heard it was Audra McDonald's birthday, and we were going to see 110 in the Shade at the Hale last night, so for some reason I thought it would be awesome to make her cookies. So I did, and put a nice little note on it. Then we went to eat dinner at the in-laws' house, where we found out that Alex's mom had bought a puppy! We have yet to see her in person, because she was going to pick her up after the show, but we're planning on going over today. Her picture is DANG cute, though! Then, we got to see Audra. PHENOMENAL. I was blown away by the whole show! When it ended, I couldn't stop smiling for about five minutes. It was awesome. When I met her after the show, though, I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was the one who made the cookies. Silly girl. But she looked so tired and was gracious enough to talk to everyone who waited outside, so I felt badly taking her time. Oh well. Then we went to Applebee's with Cynthia Klumpp and family, Jennie Pardoe (who came with us to the show), Tim Threlfall, his wife and daughter, Kevin and Vanessa Goertzen, and Clotile Bonner and her dad. It was so dang fun!! I love having wonderful friends. It was such a great day!

Good Things

2010-06-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

Today I did:

Homework
Dishes
Laundry.

Plus, I got a sweet audition because of Bailee.

I feel pretty awesome.

Austen Mania!

2010-06-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have never been an over the top Jane Austen fan. I've never read one of her books, but I've seen the 6 hour long Pride and Prejudice, the awful Kiera Knightly version, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma, which is one of my favorite movies ever. I'm a fan, but wouldn't consider myself a "Jane-ite." What has happened to me lately?

It all started with Lost in Austen. This mini-series captivated me. Modern girl gets stuck in Pride and Prejudice. Sounds silly. It's not. After watching it instantly on Netflix, (the best thing in the world) I was hooked. I watched a behind the scenes, and searched for anything I could find on it. And Elliott Cowan is a SERIOUSLY hot Mr. Darcy. I watched the ending about 12 times. Take three hours and watch it. It's so dreamy.

Then I picked up this little book, along with two others, at Borders last week. I hadn't read a novel in a long time, and I was so excited to have a fresh, brand new book in my hands. (I even got it for free, thanks to a gift card from my aunt and uncle!) Well, I remember why I haven't read a book for so long. School. When I open a book, I get captivated and fall under a spell. I don't want to do anything else but bask in the world the book has created. Everything else goes out the window- homework, dishes, laundry, etc. It's bad. This is a fun, easy read that I highly recommend. But again, it's modern girl goes to fictional Austen-based theme park, I guess you would say. I must really have a hankering for the past these days.

After finishing Austenland, last night, Alex and I watched Sense and Sensibility.

I hadn't seen it since I was young, and frankly thought it was a little slow, but I was in this Austen-y mood, and Alex had never seen it. What a gorgeous movie! I appreciated it so much more now that I'm not 10. If you haven't watched it lately, do it. It is so beautiful. It's a shame that all movies can't be just like this one. I don't know why it's not more popular than Pride and Prejudice, frankly. I absolutely loved it, and Alex did, too, enough to say that we should own it!

I don't know what has gotten into me, but I'm not sure if this mood will ever lift. The only thing I can say is that I am so grateful to have my own perfect man. Alex is everything I could ever want. It is so nice to read these books and watch these movies, and not want for anything in my own relationship. If Edward from Twilight (the books, not the movie, and there IS a big difference) and Mr. Darcy have done nothing else for the world, I hope they make girls want to be treated well. You don't have to settle, my friends. And you don't have to rush. Just enjoy the journey, and your Colonel Brandon will come, and he'll be everything you've been praying for. (Try not to fall for the Willoughby's of the world. I have. It doesn't end pretty.)

The V Word

2010-06-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Monday, little Belly Bear had to face her biggest fear- the vet. She was shaking so hard I thought she was going to fall out of my arms. She's ok, it was just for her yearly check-up and vaccinations. The nurse at the front desk was not very nice, which made me feel badly for my little one. Belly's usually ok with the vet if I hold her when they do whatever they do, but this time she was NOT having it. She squirmed all over the place, paws tangling in my hair, trying to escape over my shoulder and down my back. It was a little funny. But they took her to the back to finish, and when they came back in the room, my little baby had a muzzle on! It was the tiniest muzzle. Apparently the only volume she has on her is from her hair. I felt so badly for her. She's never had to wear a muzzle in her life. The vet said she was fine, just needed to be socialized more.

Um, EXCUSE ME?! Socialized more?!

I tried not to be offended for myself or Annabelle. I told him that she loves other animals and loves people, just hates the vet. I mean, what animal really likes going to the vet? I was upset that he would assume that she was this badly behaved all the time. I am a really good pet parent, and I have trained my dog well! She is a great dog, and everyone that meets her, loves her.

I didn't really trust the vet after that.

p.s. On a gross note, she's been licking herself a LOT since then. Is that normal? It's like every other minute. It's like she's getting a little OCD.

Ranting.

2010-06-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

Here is a rant from a paper. I'm deleting the last paragraph. I just had to get it out. It's been building up all weekend. Please note that I'm extremely fatigued and it's 2 am. Words don't come as easily at 2 am.

I couldn’t read Angels in America. After two “f” words on the second page, I was done. I really don’t think we should be required to read something with that kind of language in a class at BYU. I am grateful we were given permission to not read it, but personally, I don’t think it should have been considered for the curriculum at all. Our standards shouldn’t have to be lowered just so we can “branch out.” Especially at BYU, because we are supposed to have standards here, whether or not it's cool.
I don’t know why something has to be controversial or shocking in order to be considered ‘good art.’ In one of my classes, someone said, “Watching good people doing good things is boring.” Why? Why is that boring? I don’t think it is. I guess it depends on what one considers the purpose of art to be. I think that art should be uplifting. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about issues, but the films and plays that are out there are mostly done by inactive (or ex) members who have a bone to pick with some aspect about the Church and want to exploit it for gain.
On a personal note, doing theater for the Church has been the greatest theater experience I’ve ever had. When someone says that Savior of the World is manipulating, what theatrical experience isn’t? People use key changes for a reason. Isn’t the purpose of art to evoke some sort of emotion? Any theatrical experience is meant to evoke some emotion, so isn’t every theatrical experience manipulative? Les Miserables uses every trick in the book to evoke emotion, but the message behind it- “to love another person is to see the face of God”- is still true. Do you go to Les Mis and think, “Gosh, that key change was really powerful. I’m being manipulated.” The message behind SOTW is true. And there are many people on stage at once, bearing testimony in a unique way that what they are saying is true. If I cry as Mary or Mary Magdalene, it is pure testimony. I’m not trying to manipulate anyone- I’m trying to bear my testimony. Don’t deny my testimony by saying it’s fake and manipulated. Some stories shouldn’t be shared in a classroom setting.
Achieving ‘transcendence’ in theater is hard. I think it’s challenging because it’s a public display of a private thing. It’s only going to be right to the artist. We still try, though, because this is the type of theater that means the most.

Snowing in my Heart

2010-05-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

Alex is gone. He's going to the Great Wall of China today. I think he's taking our separation a lot better than I am. I stare at my homework for hours on end, then close it up and watch TV instead. It's hard to do anything while he's away.

Today I woke up to 4 inches of snow. In May. I told my professor it was my fault: it was snowing because it's snowing in my heart. He thought that was very clever and entertaining.

So, sorry for the snow, friends. It will all be over June 6th.

Purse Extravaganza

2010-05-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

This post is for Alex, who's in China. I neglected to show him what kinds of purses I like before he left.

Home cookin'

2010-04-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

I love to make dinner for Alex. I tried this last night to great success. It was really light and yummy. I halved the recipe and still came out with a ton! We both ate a lot but didn't get that too-full feeling. It was really easy and I recommend it!

I tried out this little recipe last week. It is amazingly flavorful, even without cilantro, which I happen to not like. It's even healthy enough that I made some of the fish for my dad who's on this crazy strict diet. He thought it was great, too!

I made this a while ago. It could not be easier- or yummier! It is probably the best thing to ever come out of my crock pot. Alex and I couldn't get enough of it! We had it on tortillas and it was really really great! I used some black beans and regular canned corn. Seriously, SO good.

Lesson learned

2010-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

If you have church at 9 am, don't take Nyquil at 3 am. You won't wake up until 1 pm. Lesson learned.

If you are having a slight emotional breakdown, and you don't have waterproof mascara, you will look awful for your next scene. Lesson learned.

If you marry the perfect man, you will be deliriously happy. Lesson learned. :)

Success

2010-01-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot today about success and happiness. I'm looking at my class schedule for the next year and wondering if I should try to do NY Showcase or not. They've started asking people to only do Showcase if they are planning on moving to New York. So... am I planning on moving to New York? I have no idea. Am I just scared to try? I don't know. My dream job is working for Music and Cultural Arts for the Church. Whenever I'm working for the Church I feel completely satisfied with my life and talent and completely happy. I don't really know what to do. I think to move to New York I'd have to give it at least 5 years. I don't know that I want to wait that long to work for the Church. And I don't feel like I need Broadway to feel successful at all. What to do?! Life decisions are hard! Alex feels like NY would be great for me. But if the Church is my ultimate goal, why wait? Hmm....

The Cure

2009-11-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

My cure for a slow, hard to wake up morning? Music. Nothing gets my day going better than getting ready to some toe-tapping, upbeat music! Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts or even some good old fashioned BSB does the trick every time!

Another doldrums pick-me-up? Rob's blog. Robierto25.blogspot.com. It's my favorite- check it out! He is, by far, one of the funniest people I know!

Some things

2009-11-07T21:17:00.000-08:00

I got Tim Tams today. I can't wait to eat them! It will be a good ending to a crazy, hard week. There is so much to do for school in the next few weeks. I can't wait 'till Thanksgiving!

I realized today just how happy I am at Savior of the World. I never feel as completely at home as I do there. I love everyone there and they all teach me each day. I'm grateful for the great examples of the people around me at the theater. It was sort of a blow to my ego to not get cast as Mary this year, but I really felt today that I am where I'm supposed to be. I love being able to just sing my role without having to make my voice young or old. I'm thankful that other people are so positive about my new role, too! The Lord always helps us to grow. Isn't it great?

Michelle told me a few weeks ago that I have a regal stance... I'm pretty sure I never thought- ever- that that would be said of me! It made my year, seriously.

Uh...

2009-09-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

Remember how I'm certified to sail a 27-foot keelboat? Yep. And remember how I'm 24 now? Yup. And how we finally painted our house and it's AWESOME?! Yep. And how I'm Mary Mag this year? Yeppers... And how we spent an hour getting two miles away after the football game on Saturday? Yep. And how I desperately want my body from last year back? Yes, yes I do. And remember how I spent an hour and a half cutting Alex's hair on Saturday, which now looks great? Totally. And remember how Alex found me a car yesterday, because my Pontiac finally decided to die? Uh huh. He's cute.

Such is life!

Best of Times, Worst of Times

2009-08-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the year, when school was about to start, I looked everywhere for my backpack. Seriously, everywhere. I couldn't imagine where it had gone. I was very sad and had to endure last semester with my YA bag as my backpack, which looks really cool, but is extremely uncomfortable to wear for an extended period of time, especially if it's heavy.

So a few days ago, Alex was getting ready to go on a business trip. As his lovely and dutiful wife, I was helping him pack, despite my devastation at his leaving me. I decided he could take the small suitcase, which doesn't get used much, as he was only going to be gone a few days. As I opened the small suitcase, there, in all it's padded-shoulder glory, was my lovely purple backpack. I have no idea who decided to nest it in there right before school started, but suddenly, in my sorrow, I was so extremely happy that I actually got a little less anxious about school, and relieved that I would be able to lug my books around without killing my shoulders and back. The moral of the story is that even when it seems to be the worst day ever, you can still find things to bring you joy!

Life

2009-08-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Mind you, life isn't that exciting right now, so there's not much to tell. I feel like I'm in 'mommy-mode' because little Belly was kind of sick yesterday. I've been under the weather as well this past week. My sore throat won't quit, but after an entire week of coughing after I said anything, it's better today. We've been back from Nauvoo a whole week! It's crazy.

Amazing vacation. Probably the most fun I've had on vaca with my both of my parents ever. And I got to sit next to Alex for 18 hours. What's better than that? It's a really hard drive, friends, but it's worth it. Nauvoo is the most amazing place. I'll admit that I was a little nervous to go back as a tourist. I didn't want to be totally sad that I wasn't there with the pageant, and get all down on myself. However, despite numerous hormonal overloads and breakdowns from yours truly, it was a great vacation! If I was short with anyone or seemed like I was out of it...it was the period talking, I swear!

Annabelle had a lovely time at the grandparents' house and even got her cousin, Vash the crazy Dachshund, to play with her for about 15 minutes. We had a lovely time with Ashley and Peter! I can't believe Ashley's pregnant. We had fun FINALLY getting to spend some time with Peter, after a year of marriage! I guess that's what happens when your best friend lives across the country. On our way home, we stayed in this great hotel in Des Moines, where we saw none other than Shawn Johnson

in the hotel lobby getting breakfast like the rest of us. Yes, folks, she eats eggs, too. She looks just like herself!

Good vacation brought to you by:

MadLibs, Harry Potter, VeggieTales, ice cream, hot husband, good friends, and the Spirit.

Thanks to all those who participated.

So soon!

2009-07-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter!!! I can't wait. I absolutely LOVE Harry Potter! Whenever ABC Family has a "Harry Potter Weekend," I die. I love watching the first one and feeling the magic of it all! I wonder just what it is that draws people to the series. Alex is on the 7th book and I love reading all the books again with him! I really don't get sick of the books or the movies. Ahh!!! I am completely excited!

I'll Be There...watching tv...

2009-07-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm not going to lie. Today, while watching Michael Jackson's funeral, I got a little teary, which was very unexpected! Everyone said Mariah sounded amazing...which I really don't agree with. She was pretty pitchy the whole time. Jennifer Hudson killed it, even as prego as she is! John Mayer can really make his guitar sing. I was impressed with the whole thing, and felt sad that I didn't really embrace MJ's music as much as I could have while he was alive. On the other hand, I've been impressed with how many songs of his that I do know! All are iconic.

On another note, I am fascinated by watching people make cakes on tv. Why is that? I really think I could watch it all day. It's totally amazing and something I don't know if I could ever do. I'm just not very artistic. Last night on The Bachelorette, I thought I was going to die. Could Wes be a bigger loser? Ugh. But you know, I saw a lot of an ex of mine in him. I kept watching him and thinking, why does she even like him? Can't she see how awful he is, even after she's got all of these people telling her he's a liar? Well friends, I, too, have been taken down that path before. He's so charming and gentlemanly to your face, and even when he says obnoxious, jerky things to you, you don't really care. Why? Why do they have such power?! I don't know. I think that guys like that are so self-centered that they don't even consider that what they are doing will hurt other people. Girls, you can't change him, you'll never be able to. So steer clear of that fiasco. Listen to what people say. Being a player is a hard habit to break, apparently, and you do NOT want to go through that. Don't let a compliment or a bit of chivalry fool you. Get to know him a little bit better before giving him your heart!

Finally, how sad is America that there are enough crazy messy houses for Clean House to clean up? Seriously.

I really need...

2009-06-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

a makeover. I'm consistently blahed by my boring wardrobe, damaged hair, and just-enough-to-feel-presentable makeup. I have to admit that I've wanted Cameron Diaz's hair since I saw The Holiday with my lovely friend, Michelle. However...I'm not brave. I wonder if the allure of the cut has something to do with Jude Law in those glasses...but probably not! I know that as soon as I cut my hair I'll need it long, so it stays long and gross. Much to my chagrin, I am not immune to the marriage weight-gain problem. People literally freak out when I mention this. I don't think I'm fat, I'm not going to be anorexic, but the truth is, I don't fit into my clothes anymore. And I hate buying new clothes when I am determined to get back down to the size where things fit again and actually look good on me. I don't usually have reasons to dress up or put more than base, blush and mascara. Therefore..stuck in a rut.
I can't wait to be rid of American Heritage in three days. The freedom will be sweet.

Heaven on earth

2009-06-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

...is Sammy's sweet potato fries. I'm not even joking. For anyone in Provo, or thinking about coming to our thriving metropolis, go to Sammy's. I have just recently discovered the wonder that is Sammy's, and want to share the news. Sweet potato fries, amazing shakes, and really really good hamburgers. Let me know if you need a bit of amazingness in your day, and I just may go with you. go to sammyscafe.blogspot.com for info. Seriously!!

Before the Parade passes by...

2009-06-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

I am obsessed with the Parade of Homes!! I took Alex on Saturday for his first time. He loved it, just as I knew he would! What is it about walking through some crazy expensive homes that gets me happy? Honestly, I don't really know. I love seeing the things I love. I love seeing the things that I don't love. I loved loved LOVED going with Alex! I can't describe how much I love that boy!!

I made him some breakfast Sunday morning and brought it up to him in bed, and he was so surprised! He thought it was probably the first time he'd ever gotten breakfast in bed. What?! I couldn't believe that we've been married for a year and a half and I'd never done that for him! I shall repent. Everyone deserves breakfast in bed at least once a year.

I don't know how people live without cars. Seriously. Alex's car broke down, and then mine did. We've been sharing the Suburban that we got from my dad and fixed up. Alex takes the car to work and I'm left at home...it's ridiculous how hard it is! I feel like I can't get anything done. But it's all good. What a random post. I am very excited to get out of American Heritage and have the new season of Psych finally on! Psych...what an amazing show. It makes me laugh so hard, whatever mood I'm in! I also can't wait to go visit Angie and Jim in California in August. Yay!

UP! is amazing. Everyone should go see it!!

Smelly Life

2009-03-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

I was walking on campus the other day and suddenly my nose started reeling! The wonderful smell of cologne wafted over to me and made me so happy. Thank you so much to the men of the world who make my day a little better by smelling great.
I know I've said I'm scared of children, but I think I figured it out. I don't like the way babies and kids smell. It makes me gag. Walking by the baby isle in the grocery store just makes me angry and sick. I have so much to learn.
And why would someone bring their child into your house and let them run amuck? How disrespectful is that?! I won't go into that story more, but I will run a tight ship with my kids. If they don't want to be good, then off to boarding school with them! They are seriously going to be the most well-behaved children ever...just like me. Mark my words!!!
And Annabelle is the cutest thing ever. She makes me very happy. All day today, all she wanted to do was sleep on my lap. I hope I love my children as much. Heaven help us.

Holy Jazz Game!

2009-03-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

I saw President Monson at the Jazz game tonight! I'm not kidding! He was standing and clapping in one of those 'cool people' boxes in the Delta Center. (I refuse to say 'Energy Solutions Arena.) I was so happy that he had time to come support! So cool. Alex and I even got on the megatron for our amazing dance moves! I love my puppy, and my husband. My friend and extended family member is coming this weekend and is going to go out with my stunningly beautiful friend that I haven't seen for two months! I am so excited. I can't believe people like to go to scary movies. I hate them. I get disturbed just by watching the commercials. Did I mention I love my dog? She gets a mouthful of food, brings it in to where we are, spits it out, then eats it all by us. It's cute, trust me. And she brings me her bowl when it's empty, even up the stairs! Ok...this was a random post, but I'm a random person. Deal!

One of those days

2009-03-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't had the best day ever. Parts were great, but mostly not. I wish I could trade my body in for a new one, but I guess that's not an option. Last Thursday in class, I got brave and made a comment. Now, I get terrified in classroom settings and never speak. I'm more a fan of absorbing and forming my opinions quietly, because most of the time I don't have an opinion on what we're talking about yet. So I spoke up. I had a normal comment, but when I speak, my mind goes blank and murky...same when I bear my testimony in church (or on a bus, as my YAs will attest to). Well, I spent two minutes trying to say what I meant, using stupid examples that weren't really great examples of what I was trying to say, my mind completely fuzzy, and it was really bad and embarrassing, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Why?! Now I am terrified to go back to class, because I sit in the front row every day and I get so scared that people are going to look at me and think I'm stupid. Ugh.
The bright points in my day consisted of being with my parents, eating a fabulous dinner with Alex, and having my beautiful friends tell me specifically that they made it into MDT! Annabelle is using my foot as a pillow right now, which completely makes up for the fact that she chewed up my cell phone charger today, and just may have electrocuted herself.
It makes me sad when Alex is frustrated because tonight I can't do a thing about it. I want him to be able to sleep for 8 hours more that once a month, and I want the internet to always work, and I want his silly chemistry to make sense and to work for him.
And this weather. I need the sun!! I am ready for the spring!!! Soon, please!
p.s. Hugh Jackman is stellar. His opening song at the Oscars? Hilarious! Definitely my favorite part of the night.

Eternal Marriage

2009-02-27T19:13:00.001-08:00

This evening I attended the keynote speech of the annual Church History Symposium at BYU, given by Marlin K. Jensen. In it, Elder Jensen told a story of a couple in Austria who met after WWII. They both spoke German but wanted to learn English, so they courted by writing letters to each other in English everyday, and would read Shakespeare together at night. After they were married in a Catholic church, one day he told her that they'd be together eternally. She said she'd never heard of that before. He said to her (not a direct quote, but exactly what I remember), "Well, if it's not there when we pass, they'll invent it for us!" A few years later, when the missionaries knocked on their door, the first thing he asked them was what they taught about marriage and family. The rest is history!

I was so touched by this story! It made me grateful for the gift I have of an eternal companion, and knowing there is 'more to life than what we see, and someplace yet to go, beyond where we have been!'

What to do...

2009-02-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

I have come to the realization that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. And I have no idea what I want to do, or rather, don't know if what I want is worth it. I'm beginning to regret my decision of not auditioning for MDT or Acting when I was a freshman. Maybe now, six years later, I'd actually be graduated. Even if I weren't, I'd at least be in a major doing something I love...and the only thing I'm good at. I have a smart husband who has a great paying job. I've never been payed more than minimum wage for a job. I just don't have any real marketable skills that will get me great amounts of money. I'm not too upset about it, except that it's impossible to get jobs these days, because if someone is hiring, they need the specialist.
I sing. I act. I love it. The only time I ever really feel like I'm fulfilling my calling in life is when I'm singing. However, after Tuacahn last year, my enthusiasm has waned. I just can't justify being in a theater environment. I have an extremely sensitive spirit, and unless I'm working for the LDS Church, where I thrive, I...don't thrive. But then I see my friends in shows and movies and I get depressed that I'm not there with them. Literally, I can't live with it, but I can I live without it? Do I want to? I married an actor turned engineer, and I want to be with him as much as I can. My life isn't just about me anymore. We thought we'd go do regional theater together, but now that's not an option. I couldn't leave him for months at a time, doing jobs anywhere and everywhere I could get them. It's a very selfish profession- and I can't really be selfish anymore. And we don't have enough money to fly out to auditions every other week. But I'm just not happy not doing it. Ugh.

Random things

2009-02-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

Alex is talking to me about integrals and I am trying to pay attention. One thing about me is that math doesn't stick in my brain. I don't know why. Ah well. I've been getting requests to post more on this little bloggy, so I shall do my best. My trouble with it is that when something happens to me, I think, "Oh, my life is awesome! I have to write this down." Then I wonder whether to put it in my blog or to handwrite it into my journal. Journal wins almost every time. But do I ever write in my journal? Not really. Not even about my wedding or our first year or so of marriage. Well, nobody's perfect, but we can all keep trying, right? So we were learning this dance tonight for the scholarship showcase for Syd. I mean, it's not even enough to really be called a dance...more like a few steps. I am awful! And choosing poses terrifies me. Not as much as children do, but it's in the same range. I'm a moron. I have decided that come Saturday, I will be great! I have been watching my dog sleep for the past few hours and it's probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen. My own little walking fluffball. :) We got called to the activities committee and I'm also terrified of that. Man, I need to get over my fears.
I think I have the best husband in the world. He's so patient with me and loving and kind. Life is so much better when you have someone to say "I love you" to at night and in the morning and to text it to during all hours of the day. I'm not needy or anything. Alex said I should start a blog for us, but I figure I wouldn't be much better at 2 than I am at 1, so I'm sticking to this one for now. I really have nothing else to say. I should review movies. I'm a genius!

Not much better than journals...

2009-01-22T22:46:00.000-08:00

Was my last post really September? Well, a lot can happen in a few months. We have the most adorable puppy! Her name is Annabelle. She keeps us entertained and we love her a lot. Savior of the World was the best experience I've had with it in my four years as Mary, thanks, largely, to my wonderful husband. I also had a consistent group of extraordinary people around me all the time. I can't believe the Lord has seen fit to bless me so much. We bought a house! It's a cute little townhouse in south Provo...if you need a place to crash, we've got an extra bed...but Annabelle will probably want to sleep with you.
I decided to take a class this semester, but on the first day, after liking both that I'd signed up with, I decided to take two! I love them. I'm having a great time and I'm learning a lot. I wish I could major in Theology. I'm not sure I'm a great grown-up. I absolutely hate doing the dishes. I will do them, because I know Alex doesn't have time...but I surely do hate it. All I want to do is decorate and make our house really cute.
I haven't been feeling well. Not a big surprise for me, because I never feel well. I've been sleeping a lot lately, and can't seem to get hydrated. Anyway...
I've been having such a hard time with figuring out my life. I pretty much get the same advice from everyone, but I'm not sure how to put it in practice. Maybe David Foster will discover me and let me get paid to sing for the rest of my life and I'd be happy. If only! Hey, if anyone needs a singer...and wants to pay me...I'm really good! I promise. Oh well.
Can I just say that children terrify me? I'm awful with them, I have no desire whatsoever to hold them, and I am definitely not ready to have them. It makes me really unhappy when people constantly ask when we're going to have kids. Why do they care?! We've only been married for a year! Everyone says to enjoy this time together...but then they keep asking. And when I give my response, they are shocked! What's so shocking about 3 years? I think I have to get over my fear of babies first, people. I'd much rather have my little puppy in my arms right now. I need to be able to take care of myself before that, too. This is not what I set out for this post to be.
Oh well. I have a headache and it's past bedtime, so I'll just leave it at that. And hope the next one isn't in four months from now.

Does it still matter?

2008-09-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

When does something stop mattering? How far gone do you have to be for promises and covenants to be forgotten and broken? Now, I am not trying to judge unrighteously in this post. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone. I also know that not everyone was raised like I was. But I was taught the same Sunday School and Young Women lessons as everyone else. I made the same covenants in the temple of the Lord that many others have made. When does one forget? The dictionary says the word 'remember' comes from the Latin memorari, meaning "to be mindful of." We are taught in the scriptures to always remember the Lord. That means that we need to always be mindful of the Lord. What causes someone to forget the promises they have made and stop being mindful of Him?
I was taught to respect my body. I was taught and I know that it is a sacred gift, and not my own. I know that how I dress affects not only me, but those around me. I never wanted what I wore to reflect badly on me or to cause my guy friends to have to look away from me to keep their thoughts clean. I respected those around me enough to be conscious of what I wore. I wear shirts with sleeves, shorts to the knee, cover my stomach, and one-piece swimming suits. I've heard girls complain that they can't get dates if they dress that way. I don't get that. Do you really want to be attracting people who will date you because you are dressing skimpily? I absolutely wouldn't. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I know that others are watching me. I am happy to be an example. Many of my jobs have required me to be very conscious of just how much of an example that I am. I don't want anyone to question who I am or what I believe because of how I dress or speak.
I also know that the Lord is watching. He was watching when I was taught about wearing modest clothes, and He is mindful of me and when I do and don't do the things I was taught. A lot of what I was taught as a youth were leading me to be worthy to get married in the temple. I got there, and now I strive to be worthy always to hold a temple recommend which allows me to continue to do the Lord's work in the temple and remember the promises I made to Him, and those He made to me. I made a promise that I would wear modest clothes. Of course, if I'm exercising or dancing or wearing a costume or doing something else that is physically demanding enough that it requires dressing another way, I will do it. However, I was taught to get right back into modest clothes when I am done, and I do that. I know that everyone else who's been to the temple was taught the same thing. Why does one forget? Is having a sleeveless, short dress more important than the Lord? How does one justify dressing that way? Heat? Convenience? Where there is justification for modesty, another justification is not far away. What will it be next? Swearing? Church? Sex?
I am tired of seeing my friends on Facebook and in life wearing immodest things. There is always something else to wear! Is it so much more work to put a t-shirt on instead of a tank top? Is it too hard to go searing a bit more for a dress with sleeves or wear something on top of it? Is it?! I am so grateful for those friends who I see that are wearing things that are modest. I want to give them all huge hugs! It's true that it may be a little more work to find things to wear that are modest, shirts that are long enough or dresses with sleeves, but isn't it worth it? To be able to walk uprightly before the Lord and everyone you meet, knowing that He is mindful of you? And showing the Lord that you are mindful of Him?
I know many people will be upset by this. Go ahead. I hold people to my high standards, and I am not apologizing for it. There are many who are more brave than I am and can say what they feel in person. I'm just not that person. I just couldn't go one more day without making my feelings public to whoever reads this blog. Just remember!

I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go

2008-09-07T14:12:00.001-07:00

I've been absorbed by the subject of my last post for a long time. At church today, I had a thought. We were singing the hymn, "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go." The song says, I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, over mountain or plain or sea. It's easy to say that you will go anywhere and do anything the Lord wants you to do. If He called on you to do something really taxing, you would do it. It is, of course, for the Lord. But why would the Lord ever call on us to do what He needs, when we aren't doing what we have been asked already? If we are too tired to get up for church on Sunday, too busy to do visiting teaching, which we as Relief Society sisters have been called to do, why would the Lord trust us with anything else? I often think that if the Lord called on me to move to some far-off place, I wouldn't hesitate. I used to have this dream that I was famous and would regularly confer with the Bretheren and/or the First Presidency on what I should say on talk shows and other interviews. I was called on to be a sort of musical ambassador for the Church. I have so many lofty dreams that are fairly attainable, but if I am not doing the small things, why would I get to do the big things, too? I've heard people question when we will receive the sealed portions of the Book of Mormon, and the answer is, of course, not until we have treasured, followed, prayed about, and studied the portion we already have!

It's been a while...

2008-09-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

I don't really know where to start. I am just about the most awful blogger/journal writer ever. I'm sitting here in St. George, UT while Alex, the perfect husband, is working. We are down doing the shows at Tuacahn this summer. I could complain for days about everything that's happening here, and I'm sad to say that I have been. I didn't realize how hard it would be down here. I am trying not to judge. Alex and I have questioned everything except for the Church and each other while being here. It's too hot to go outside, and we just stay at home most of the day. What is it about summerstock that is just so hard? I keep hearing that it's not like regular theater, but I have to think that to some extent, it is. If this is what I was doing for my profession, I would be in 'summerstock' all year round. I would be in a different place with nothing to really do but the show. The people I would be with all the time would be the people in the shows. I don't know. It doesn't sound like any life that I want.
I said that I was trying not to judge. I know that I have very high standards for myself. It isn't a problem that those who believe and have been raised differently from me are swearing or being crude. The hardest thing for me is to watch those that I am fairly sure know better, doing those same things. Why is still cool for some people to swear? When did that happen? Where was I? When did church become an optional activity? When did simple callings become too hard to fit in to our schedules? And why do those few people who have the courage to say how they feel about those things become the subjects of scorn, ridicule, and backbiting? Is it just the summerstock environment that makes these things happen? Or is it just so easy to forget? I may very well have been raised differently than others, but not going to church because you don't feel like it or are too tired just isn't right. I am not saying that I am perfect. Far from it. It is extremely hard to get home from a show at 12:30 and have to wind down for at least an hour, but more likely two hours, then trying to get a good night's sleep so you don't get sick, and getting up earlier than you'd like or need just to go to church? I'm not perfect at going to church, but I'm trying. But enough complaining!

Is this it?

2007-09-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have recently found myself in the midst of something that I previously thought to not have existed, or, at least, existed in the way of the songs and movies. But I couldn't have been more wrong. I find myself in love. So much so, in fact, that I can hardly think of anything else. And the most amazing part is that I think I am going to get married.
Me? Married?!? Just four months ago, I hated boys, and prided myself on my ability to NOT get a date. For about four months, I didn't go on a date, and I was happy to be rid of that scene. I was looking forward to the next year or so- date-free. I didn't want to have my heart trampled on one more time. I was done. These "best years of our lives" were absolutely wonderful for me, except when it came to dating. My friends know that I am always good for a bad-date story. As another one of my friends got engaged every week, though, I was resigned to the fact that I wasn't getting married any time soon, and I was ok with that.
Despite my indifference, I was lonely. Horribly lonely. I would cry all the time- four times a week- for no apparent reason. No one really knew it, though. I put on a good show, but I was a little depressed underneath it all. In my heart, I knew that there must be someone out there who wasn't a player or a jerk, but I certainly couldn't find them. No one could have just made up all those stories of love and marriage and happiness. What about all of my friends who were so happy? And my neighbors who are still in love after forty years of marriage? I looked around me, and I knew it must be real. Maybe it just wasn't meant for me.
So I went on my way, serving and living life as somewhat normal. Nauvoo Pageant was coming up. I had no idea what was in store for me. My sister said that maybe this is the blessing for all of my trials in my life, always being sick and serving in the Church the last three years. In all honesty, I kept waiting for something bad enough to happen to scare him away. But through all of my ups and downs, he was there. I kept waiting for him to get scared away, but he didn't. I kept trying to hold my heart, but I found that I was giving it to him. He proved himself daily, and still does.
So now I am completely in love with someone who is completely perfect for me. I feel amazingly all the time, happy as can be. Is this what it feels like? To be ready for marriage? To be in love and have that person love you back? To know that the Lord is OK with your decision? To be ready to take on marriage and all it entails? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but I guess this is it! I have someone who is perfect for me in every way, and I now can fathom why someone would want to get married. I can't imagine living my life without him now. He is everything to me. He sees me for me. We laugh at each other all the time. I would be the happiest person alive if I could feel this way forever. This IS it!!

My life!?!

2007-06-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning I woke up about 8:30 to another cute text from this amazing guy I'm not supposed to like yet. Complicated. Not really. In the situation, it's perfect. However, I fall quickly back to sleep because I was up texting said person for a long time last night.

10:00 rolls around and there is someone at the door. I'm vaguely hearing this because I'm so tired! Well, my dad gets the door and I hear a "Wow! I can't believe it!" from him. Then he calls my mom down. She sees who it is, and says, "Oh! I'll get dressed and come down!" I am still dozing in my bed. Mom runs in. "Melinda! Get up! It's Bryan!"

Bryan? My Bryan who's not mine anymore? The one I haven't talked to in about four months? Really? He's engaged. I know it.

So I get up and throw a shirt on and brush my teeth and march downstairs in a drowsy state. There he is, standing in my kitchen, facing my mother. There it is, in my mother's hand. His wedding announcement. How did I know?! Wait. That's not all. After congratulating him, he says, "Yeah, it's tomorrow." In my sleepy haze I thought I heard him say TOMORROW. I did. Apparently, when he found out we'd not recieved an announcement, he brought one by.

He's been engaged for three months. So, for the last three or four months, as I've been tortured in my soul over him, and whether or not he's the one for me, he is engaged! In the back of my mind, I really always thought we would end up together. I would go through all my lousy boyfriends and then it would be him. There was always Bryan. Yet, just a few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom and determined that, although I will always have that place in my heart for Bryan, I'm not in love with him anymore, even the memory of how we used to be. It's hard to imagine that he is married right now. But I am so happy for him! The things that were majorly holding me back still hold, and if they are ok with his wife, then that is amazing!

The Lord's timing is incredible. I was able to get over Bryan on my own, because it wasn't right, and not because he was engaged and I had to. Someone new has appeared and it has the potential to be amazing. We'll have to see what happens, but I have really truly met a great, smart, funny, charming, faithful, return missionary, chivlarous guy who for some reason thinks that I'm great, too! All I know is that I am the happiest, truly happiest, that I've been in such a long time. I am so excited to go to Nauvoo and have the incredible opportunities it brings!

Family History

2007-06-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

While doing my family history homework which seems so pointless to me, I was watching tv. Suddenly, there was a Celtic dance number on. I love it. Celtic music takes me somewhere that other music can't- like back to my roots. My dad and I can listen to it and just cry because the spirit of the music is so strong. I feel my heritage closer and closer to me, enriching me.

My mom hates it. She can take about a minute of it before she makes me change it. I can tell my mother's side is not Irish. So far, only one Irish person has been found on my dad's side. But I know there are more! Somehow, I can't quite explain it, I know that the reason why I'm in the family history major is to find them. Yes, I picked my major at random because I needed a new major and it was 45 credits. But I feel like I was led to it. Doing Nauvoo and becoming aware of our ancestors makes me want to find them even more.

We are who our ancestors were. I really believe that. That Celtic spirit is in me and my dad, but not my mom. I believe that as we get to know where we came from, we'll understand ourselves much more. There can be no future without the past!

Highlands of Heaven

2007-06-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday, and we finished our rehearsals for Nauvoo on Friday with a bang!! I've had some incredible stuff happen this week.

One. My cousin, Emily, had never seen the Pageant because she was on her mission both years. And, of course, she was going to be out of town for Friday, so she came on Wednesday to our first dress rehearsal. It was a great run-through, but near the end, one of our actors had to take her son home. Well, she has some critical lines at the end, and this was Emy's first time hearing them! So after I finished my line, and turned to see that she wasn't there, I walked over and started singing and praying that I could remember these lines I had never said. In my broken Scottish accent, I managed to get through it. Now, I didn't want anyone to commend me or say how great it was. It was two lines, after all, and Emy needed to hear them. But I made a comment afterward and David Warner, our director, pointed the action out and everyone started clapping. It was so wierd. I just saw a need and filled it! Oh well. It was fun to have a husband for a 45 second scene.

Two. We can do hard things. We can build things we've never built before to go places we've never gone before. Doing the Sunday Sociable this week was so marvelously refreshing. Completely different from last year, or anything I've seen, and it is so much fun. We performed it at 3:00 on Friday. Music really transcends time and place and situation and brings you completely to the present. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but in my head it does. When you are singing, with or without a partner, that song is what is present and is what matters. Randy and his family came and loved it. Preston, too. It was so fun to be able to use your talents to bring people to Christ. Totally amazing.

Three. I find that when I don't know how to handle something, I shut down. I had a few experiences this week that I've never had to deal with before. When they arose, I completely shut down. When your job in the Pageant is to be completely open, shutting down is detrimental. Opening back up was the hardest thing. I'm working on it.

Four. We met Elder Perry in the hallway. It was awesome. I seriously have the best job in the world. I was experiencing a 'shut down' moment, and he shook my hand and all traces of pain or sadness in my heart and spirit disappeared. It was incredible, and such a blessing!

Five. I had the best district ever! I am learning to much, and they helped me tremendously! I'm not a great leader or speaker, but I'm definately learning. In the beginning stages of rehearsal last week, I taught the women the opening dance. Yes. I taught a dance. It was awesome! I had so much fun doing it. A few days later, the stage manager asked if I would teach the children what they do in the parade. Ok- me, teaching kids. Check. Not experienced in this field at all. I didn't even know what they were supposed to do. But there I was, teaching the kids as I was making it up. One of the sisters commented on how great I was with them! Me? Great with kids? Who would have thought? I figure I'm getting to that age where I should know what to do with them, so I'm getting experiences with them by the truckload. I'm growing so much this year!

City Beautiful

2007-06-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am learning so much this year. I know that the Lord is putting things and people in my path to help me grow. Not only is the 'acting style' different, the whole approach is, too. We aren't acting, really. We are sharing our testimonies up on stage. We aren't 'putting on' or 'finding' a character, we are truly being ourselves. The trick is that we have to know ourselves so much that we can open up and not be self-concious or afraid of who we are. I am a daughter of God, and I know that He loves me. I know that I have been sent for times like this. I know that I have been put in a situation where I can learn and grow, and help others see the truth of the gospel. I have a deep responsibility toward the people who I've represented on stages and cameras. I have to watch myself all the time to make sure that what I'm doing and especially how I'm acting reflects the light and truth that I've been given. I have been allowed the opportunity to share the gospel- especially in the way that I act. If, for one second, I was not living up to the standards that I have set, it would be devastating.

The other day, my friend, Paul, and I went to lunch. Afterward, we went to Macey's to get some ice cream. Lo and behold, there was a family that had done Nauvoo and Savior of the World getting ice cream, too. Now, these kids know me. To them, I am Mary. Or Eliza R. Snow. I am a person of substance and deep faith, and do good to everyone. If I happened to turn the corner laughing loudly or being obnoxious, even for a moment, their perception of not only me, but of their entire Nauvoo/Savior experience would be altered. Therefore, I feel like it is my job to always live up to the Mary/Eliza persona. It is not easy by any means, but I believe that it is neccesary.

I've been presented with somewhat of a diffifult situation. Without going into specifics, something other than the work has occupied my attention during rehearsals. It is hard not to think about my dreams and my future, but right now my responsibility is toward the Pageant and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. It is hard to know where to draw the line, but I am trying to let the Spirit guide me.

I want to be good. I want to be good so much! I am trying to do the right thing, and focus on today in stead of the near future. "One step at a time, one hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go?" A piece of my dreams came true yesterday, and it was a little bit amazing. But still, caution. "I had to give away all I had to get back everything I want."

Yesterday in rehearsal, the temple panels went up for the first time this year. I could not have known the Spirit that flooded over me when I turned to see it. I am so blessed to be able do do this work, to tell the story of Nauvoo, and to be the conduit for the Spirit that brings people to Christ. It's there. "When you're here, we're here." We are being blessed constantly for the sacrifices we are making. The veil was very thin when looking at our beautiful temple.

I pray that I will make a difference somehow. That the Lord can use me in whatever way He sees fit. It will be an amazing summer, I can tell already. Full of opportunities for ETRs, as my friend, Annie, calls "enhancing the relationship" rather than DTRs- "defining the relationship." Oh yes. Bring it on.

Praise to the Man

2007-06-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

Nauvoo rehearsals are going so well. Better than I could have asked for! My district is so willing and helpful. Everyone participating is so wonderful! My friend, Cathy, is in it, too, as a dancer!

The feeling of Nauvoo is more than a show. The Spirit that is present among us truly makes me feel that Zion is possible- that the Law of Consecration really is obtainable. It's making me a better person all around, and what makes life better makes our offerings better, too. I'm learning so much!

Random: Michelle and I saw Elder Perry today. As of now, I'm singing 4 songs in the Sociable. I have the best job in the world!!

It's almost like being in...

2007-06-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

What a day this has been! What a rare mood I'm in!

Yes. Today has been the best day!!!

I got some sleep last night so today I was in an insane mood!!!! I was jumping around the stage and laughing and everything was amazing. BIG contrast to yesterday, when I could barely walk because my back was in so much pain. I strained it working out, so I haven't been able to do anything. And the raked stage was killer. But Soni brought me some "Essence Calming Creme" and she put it on my back and it instantly relaxed my back! It was amazing! And of course, that person I won't mention talked to me a lot. Wow.

So we got out of rehearsal in Salt Lake early and all came down to my house for an FHE dinner thing, and to rehearse vignettes and music. It was so much fun to have everyone here! I always have anxiety over large amounts of people in my home, but it was sooo much fun. And the Allen children came, too. I love them! I feel like a big sister or something. Between the Karrs and the Allens, I am being molded into someone children may actually like!! And they are making me like to be around them! Seriously, this is big. Wow. I need to get planning for my district meeting tomorrow. I am so excited for this year! I've got a great district right now. They are teaching me a lot! I'm excited to get my sister's family in my district out in Nauvoo. This year is definately going to be amazing, and I can already tell that I am going to grow so much. I'm looking over 'Preach My Gospel' and I am so humbled that I am going to teach out of it. I also have to prepare a Sunday School lesson for next week, but I can't think about it! This is a big week. As of now, I'm singing 'Astonishing' and 'Wheels of a Dream' with Alex DeBirk and 'Some Things are Meant to Be' with my sister. I'm fine with all but Astonishing, of course. It's an odd feeling to be scared of singing. It's not a familiar one! Oh well, just more growing.

Well, Ive now typed away all my extra sleeping time. I'm so excited for tomorrow!!

The Last Day

2007-05-31T15:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Yes. Cliche? I don't think so...because it's true. Tomorrow I start rehearsals for Nauvoo. Long, all-day, awesome rehearsals. When that's over, I go to Nauvoo. When that's over, I get ready for school. When school starts, Young Ambassadors starts. After YAs start, I have no life until May. It's a good thing I'm not dating anyone right now, because I'd never see him. That's a positive! Deep breath.

I'm a bit nervous...well, terrified...to do our Sociable. Right now I'm on the list to do 'Astonishing' from Little Women. I can't do it. I tried last night- my voice is not used to that place. My mom said I'm 90% there, which is also scary. I wish I could do an easy classical song!!! Well, we all give up something. I am excited for rehearsals, though. I'm excited to be doing something! Focusing on one thing and doing my job. And what a job it is! I'm so blessed to be able to work for the Church in the way that I do. I'm not a good speaker...I think a formal mission would kill me...and those around me. Seriously, just bearing my testimony is bad. Maybe I should take a class. Hmm.

Big news: I have a crush on my chiropractor's son. I've no idea why. But it feels good to have that feeling that won't be returned again!! I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things, and could actually enjoy going on a date. It's been a long time coming, but my faith in guys is slowly being restored by all my awesome friends. Well, it's my cousin's birthday dinner. And my sister is coming in!!! I am so excited to have her for two whole weeks!! My brother-in-law was just here, and it was so much fun! I've never felt like we were friends- he kind of assumed the 'brother I never had' position when he married my sister. But now I feel like we are! I loved having him here. He's awesome!

Off to dinner and airport. Or something. My friend, Paul, came to visit me today and it was so much fun. Hooray for amazing friends!!

Jeff and Jess

2007-05-30T21:30:00.001-07:00

I took my friend Jeff's engagement pics, and I decided to show a couple of my favorites.

Pictures...

2007-05-30T19:56:00.001-07:00

This is me at 17. Apparently, I haven't liked any other pictures of me in the last 4 years. Well, that's not true, but I'm back at blonde, and I'll try to work on getting a decent blonde photo now.

Wisdom?

2007-05-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

So this one time, my best friend asked me for some advice. She's discovered she's a bit non-committal. I don't know where this advice came from, but I need to remember it, too. So, here it is. My advice to my best friend...who is pretty much awesome.

So, I'll 'elp' you out. Apparently I have no passion. I know, I know. But really, ever since Bryan went on his mission, I don't know. When I really open up to someone, (except you) they just disappoint me? Not that I have that high of expectations...I take that back. My expectations are extremely high. "I love her anyway." That's all I want! Well. We are protective of ourselves. We really don't want to get hurt, or for us to hurt someone else. We care too much! I hate hurting people, but in the back of my head, I think, I'm crazy enough that I'm doing this person a favor by not seeing the real me. That way, neither of us gets as hurt as we would have. I know, it's stupid. We are essentially the same person, but you are nicer. So you care more than I do about hurting people. You probably see your flaws as huge boulders that people shouldn't have to climb over. But what you need to find are people who decide that you are worth climbing the mountains and swimming those oceans. And when they prove that to you, then those hills won't seem so big. I don't know what it is! I find the same problem. But I don't think it's so much non-committal as finding the right people to decide are worth it. Really, not everyone is awesome enough to deserve the walls of Jericho to come down. But there are some that are, and when they present themselves, I think the Spirit will let us know it. And I think they will let their guard down and we will, too. Uh, if this had made any sense, then good for you!
I love you, you're awesome. Everything will work out.

Boys...yeah.

2007-05-29T20:15:00.001-07:00

I just went on my first date in about 4 months. After an extremely bad experience with the last guy I dated (we call him a stalker for a reason), I decided I was done. And it wasn't just him, it was every single guy I've dated since my second boyfriend. They go crazy on me, or play me, or I'm not as serious about them as they are about me, or they're demeaning and light-sucking. Light-sucking is when someone takes your light- happiness, Spirit, general kindness, etc.- away from you. My uncle told me that everyone will be wrong until that one person is right. I guess that it is easier for every one of them to have a flaw big enough to see from space, so I have something to pin it to. I don't know.

My first boyfriend was perfect. I mean, perfect. He is the only boy that I have ever loved. I met him on a blind date. He could always make me laugh. He was my first real kiss. We had a hard time saying goodbye. He'd share his feelings with me. He'd tell me that he loved me. He'd write me notes and leave them on my car at school, or on my door, or sometimes on my porch with flowers. Sometimes he'd throw rocks at my window to get my attention. He always made me happy when I was with him. He wanted to go on a mission, and he did. He thought I was beautiful, and told me so all the time. We could be doing nothing, and I'd be completely satisfied, just as long as we were together. He thought I was perfect for him. He knew my weaknesses and didn't tease me about them. He was never demeaning or rude. If I was sick, he would be perfectly happy to come over and just hold me, or make me laugh to keep my mind off of it. My family loved him. I don't know how his family felt about me. Whenever I was thinking about him, he would call. He was that boy in the movies that no one thinks is real. I couldn't have asked for anyone more amazing.

All of the guys that I dated were great at first. I kept trying to find what I had with Bryan. I couldn't. When he came home from his mission, I wanted to get to know him again. We'd stopped writing a few months in so he could focus on his mission. We'd both changed so much over those two years. I had gotten out of another bad relationship, and a mini-mission of my own in Nauvoo with the Pageant. It wasn't right to jump right back in where we left off. I had a feeling that we couldn't just date. We'd already dated for a year and a half, so if we started again, it would be to decide if we got married or not. So, considering the fact that I am nowhere near even thinking avout being ready for marriage, the thought that Bryan and I may not end up together was not one I wanted to give any heed to. The thought of how we used to be was somehow better than the thought that it just might not be right now. So it didn't happen. And now he's dating someone else. I saw him at the Devotional when President Hinckley spoke, and I hadn't seen him in a while. I randomly ran into him at a random portal and there he was. And there she was. And I turned away after he said goodbye and I couldn't hold back the tears. I sobbed all the way through the Devotional, and I'm sure the people next to me thought I was crazy. I pretty much cried for about three days. I really didn't know what to do. I miss him all the time. I always wondered if I should've told him, but that would be selfish. I couldn't very well tell him that I wanted to date him again but we may or may not have a future together, especially when he was dating someone! No.

So here I am. Trying to get over my small fear of dating, no viable options in sight. But I am really happy. I know that the one for me will come along. And that he'll be totally awesome. I won't settle anymore. And I'll follow the Spirit when it tells me "Run!!!" Ok, that's all for now. I'm watching a really sappy movie on tv.

Blogs!!

2007-05-29T19:46:00.001-07:00

Wow. I'm writing a blog. I wonder how it all works. Maybe I'll post sample picture or something...or just ramble on. I'm really not a good speaker. I usually can't stop and my thoughts go a million different places. I am a lot better at writing, so this might be just the thing for me.

So I'm trying to finish this incomplete in my History 400 class. I am having a really hard time doing it. I just can't concentrate.

I used to love school. I lived for getting A's. In 8th grade I got really sick, and I prety much dropped out. As a result, I've gotten through school by compromising with teachers and doing the minimal amount of work possible to pass. Consequently, I've become a bit lazy. I hate it. I used to be the girl who did everything perfectly and went the extra mile, and I loved it. I have a thing for making people happy. If I can help someone, I usually do. But I hate doing a run-of-the-mill job. I find myself with a bit of a perfection problem. I either want to be perfect and amazing at something, or fail miserably. To just be 'average' makes my skin crawl a little bit. I'm better than I used to be, but it's definately still a part of me. I had a counselor once challenge me to get a 'C' on a paper. I almost had an anxiety attack. I hate disappointing people, teachers included.

There's no way that I'm going to do an amazing job on these projects, and that's ok. I just want to pass the class. But it's still really hard. Ugh.