I have recently found myself in the midst of something that I previously thought to not have existed, or, at least, existed in the way of the songs and movies. But I couldn't have been more wrong. I find myself in love. So much so, in fact, that I can hardly think of anything else. And the most amazing part is that I think I am going to get married.
Me? Married?!? Just four months ago, I hated boys, and prided myself on my ability to NOT get a date. For about four months, I didn't go on a date, and I was happy to be rid of that scene. I was looking forward to the next year or so- date-free. I didn't want to have my heart trampled on one more time. I was done. These "best years of our lives" were absolutely wonderful for me, except when it came to dating. My friends know that I am always good for a bad-date story. As another one of my friends got engaged every week, though, I was resigned to the fact that I wasn't getting married any time soon, and I was ok with that.
Despite my indifference, I was lonely. Horribly lonely. I would cry all the time- four times a week- for no apparent reason. No one really knew it, though. I put on a good show, but I was a little depressed underneath it all. In my heart, I knew that there must be someone out there who wasn't a player or a jerk, but I certainly couldn't find them. No one could have just made up all those stories of love and marriage and happiness. What about all of my friends who were so happy? And my neighbors who are still in love after forty years of marriage? I looked around me, and I knew it must be real. Maybe it just wasn't meant for me.
So I went on my way, serving and living life as somewhat normal. Nauvoo Pageant was coming up. I had no idea what was in store for me. My sister said that maybe this is the blessing for all of my trials in my life, always being sick and serving in the Church the last three years. In all honesty, I kept waiting for something bad enough to happen to scare him away. But through all of my ups and downs, he was there. I kept waiting for him to get scared away, but he didn't. I kept trying to hold my heart, but I found that I was giving it to him. He proved himself daily, and still does.
So now I am completely in love with someone who is completely perfect for me. I feel amazingly all the time, happy as can be. Is this what it feels like? To be ready for marriage? To be in love and have that person love you back? To know that the Lord is OK with your decision? To be ready to take on marriage and all it entails? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but I guess this is it! I have someone who is perfect for me in every way, and I now can fathom why someone would want to get married. I can't imagine living my life without him now. He is everything to me. He sees me for me. We laugh at each other all the time. I would be the happiest person alive if I could feel this way forever. This IS it!!
